Hello darkness, our old friend. December, the month of excess, parties, shame spirals, late nights, early mornings working off the night before and generally breaking 70% of the personal rules you normally have in place as well as office Christmas parties lurking around every corner. Don’t hate the player, embrace the game with our 6 tips for making it through your work Xmas party totally unscathed, with your gleaming reputation still intact.
1. Your body is a temple - HYDRATE PEOPLE: It's so easy to forget hydration, especially when you have frosé on tap and espresso martini's at your disposal. You don't want to be that person carried out of the bar one hour into the night (...or maybe you do?). Repeat after us: water, wine, water, wine, water wine - hey, maybe even put the water in the wine! Don't forget that if you neglect the H2O, the only thing that will last longer than your workmates Instagram Stories is your shame spiral and dehydration headache the next day.
2. Smoke-Bomb: Thinking up a way to strategically gap the Christmas party without making a scene and being dragged back into the madness is always a good idea. Cue the Smoke-Bomb - a party essential that everyone should learn to highly master. All you need is a good distraction, and intimate knowledge of the nearest exit - we recommend getting the dance floor going by putting the latest banger on the stereo & then exiting stage left whilst everyone is dropping it low. But for those looking for a more dramatic exit, you may want to use phrases such as, "Oh what!? She's having the baby right now?! I am on my way!," or "The house is on fire?! I will be there ASAP!".You're welcome.
3. Eating is NEVER cheating: Pre-party, mid-party or after-party, food is your friend. Whilst we may be totally biased with an absolute agenda, a burger has all the essentials you need to combat the effects of the watery yet over-priced cocktails you’ve been downing on the bosses credit card. Carbs to soak it all up and protein, good fats, vitamins and minerals to replace all the good stuff you lose during a big night out. Don’t forget Spud Fries too.. every fry you eat will make you feel 1% better tomorrow* ( *100% not verified by any sort of science or medical professional, but fries are never a bad thing) .
4. Show up to work the next day: Even if you got 2 hours sleep, or ended up bunking in the Harry Potter cupboard at work ( not looking at anyone in particular...) you should be sitting at your desk ready to work the next day because optics are everything and if you do the crime, you do the time. Plus, there's a certain amount of camaraderie in suffering through the next day blues with your workmates - and you may as well get paid for that right? Just add 1 x great attitude and lots of coffee. If your boss is a good one, they'll have your sausage rolls sorted by 11am stat.
5. Self-enforced curfews: Nothing (and we mean nothing) good happens after 2am apart from spending more money and increasing tomorrows hangover exponentially. Self-enforced curfews are like a big fat favour to your future self and they allow you to stay out late, without the sun coming up to remind you to go home. Choose a time – it doesn’t need to be too early. Set an alarm on your phone, then once it goes off collect 1 x V8 vegan burger for maximum health benefits on your way home (find out if your local BurgerFuel store is open late HERE). Instead of FOMO, feel SMUG knowing you came, saw, partied and got to bed early enough to feel fresh as a daisy tomorrow. For exit strategies, please refer to point 2. above.
6. Post-party dessert: It's not all about drinking and we had to drop our new special in here somewhere so... tis' the season for all of the treats and what better way to celebrate than with a post-party dessert? We're currently dishing up a traditional TriFuel for the silly season, and after working in the office over the last couple of months as our food team developed it, we can confirm that it is 100% extremely addictive. Also, there's bonus points for portability - it'd easily travel well on your Lime ride home and will keep you going until the sausage rolls come around in the morning.
