Usain Poultry burger

You’re always a champion on Friday nights. But tonight you’re going to be even better.  It’s going to be the Usain Bolt of Friday nights. A gold medal, front page success story. But better. With more sex, more speed and more stamina.

You’ll get through drinks without punching your boss, and hopefully no one will catch you photocopying your ass. You’ll head in to town and hook up with the whole Swedish handball team. At the same time. Tight.

You’ll narrowly miss being arrested after that minor altercation with the taxi driver. There would have been no way of knowing he was the 1992 Azerbaijan Olympic Wrestling Champion. And why would you buy a car with a sunroof if you didn’t want people to hang out of it pulling the ‘Usain Bolt’ pose anyway?

You’ll have a great time at that ‘burlesque bar’ you’ve “never been to before”. In-fact, you’ll pretty much make money there, everyone loves it when a punter gets on the pole and rips out the classic ‘upside down lightning Bolt’ with their legs. You’ll absolutely nail twerking too. Who brought the foam finger?

Then you’re gonna roll up to BurgerFuel for your victory lap. Or winners shimmy. Whatever. Crowned in a blaze of glory, you’ll bite in to the brand new Usain Poultry burger, and everything will seem worth it. Even getting nude in the DJ booth. Especially that.

This Jamaican themed champion contains delicious Jamaican seasoned chicken breast, mashed avocado and juicy golden pineapple. Mmmmm… breasts and buns. You are a champion my friend.